Post by xion on Jan 12, 2010 21:29:23 GMT -5
Xion smiled faintly and nodded her head, but her eyes had grown blank. She was lost in her own world, in her own mind. Her eyes stared out ahead, at the ocean and the sand before it, but inside her mind, she wasn’t even here. Not on Destiny Islands. It was taking her on another tour of Twilight Town. Everything, mostly everything, had happened to her there, not here. She’d only met Riku here, and that was where he had first started to convince her. She had woken up in his arms, in Riku’s arms. And, the first thing he had told her, was his name, and then about Sora. Her eyes grew colder when she thought of the two of them, and then her mind drifted toward her, Kairi. “We have to be…careful with that we want, and why we want it. Have to make sure that, in the end, it’s what’s right. And, by right, I mean that it can’t just be right for us. That…it has to be right for everyone, not just for us, and not just for our friends.” She frowned. Those words. Although they hadn’t quite been put that way, she had heard them before. She just wasn’t sure where, and if, she had, indeed, heard that before. She glanced up at the sky, and her eyes narrowed slightly. Who was it that had said that to before? She should have remembered, it was important, but it had been this way lately. She had been forgetting stuff.
She wondered. Had this happened to Roxas? Whenever she was around him, back then. Did he just suddenly forget things as they-unknown to her, at the time, of course-traveled out of him and into herself? She couldn’t be sure, and she wouldn’t ask him. It was bad enough that she recalled these memories she longed to forget, but she didn’t want him to have to remember them. “I mean hope in general.” She said shrugging. “Any kind of hope, or any kind of emotion. Take your pick. I can’t clarify on any of them. But, you’re right. The ability to feel is abused. Abused by those people who have been given the gift to be the one who feels. But, I’m not sure it’s the ability to feel that abuse the heart. It’s not the emotion’s fault what the user does to it.” She glanced up at the sky, letting her entire face be seen. Actually, she wasn’t sure she wanted to forget her memories. Especially since they happened to be leaving her mind all on their own. Maybe, it was just the painful memories she wanted to push away from her. Like, her end. She wasn’t sure why she remembered that as clearly as she did, or when she first attacked Roxas. She also remembered, although she wasn’t entirely sure why she remembered that either, considering it wasn’t technically her that was there at the time, the Skyscraper Battle in The World That Never Was. Between Roxas, her best friend Roxas, and Riku. Riku, whom she wasn’t even sure about. Whenever she thought of him, she got confused. She didn’t know what to think about him, at all. He had convinced her to kill herself, yes, but he had done it to bring back his best friend. If she were put in his position, she was sure she’d end up doing the same thing. Or, she’d like to think she’d be able to do that. In reality, she wasn’t sure, and she was glad she’d never have to make that decision. “You’re not a fool.” She said quietly. “A fool would be…Someone who knew what was happening to him or her, and still chose that path. You say you want to give up your emotions, that they hold you back, but, trust me, you would “suffer” greatly. You still have memories of your emotions, you just can’t…feel anything.”
She raised an eyebrow at him, but made to remark to that. Her world, the one she hated so much, appealed to him? How could that be? She would be willing to try anything, anything, if it could only mean she could get rid of it. If she could have her heart back, or, rather, if she could get a heart of her own in the first place. One where she didn’t have to retreat back into Roxas, and, ultimately, back into Sora. “You’re wrong. My world isn’t really a world. People like me, if you can call us people, are just made. I am like I am because I was created this way. Well, no. I am a failure because I wasn’t supposed to bet his way. And, don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt my feelings when you compare me to a robot. I’m not much better. I’m just…a puppet. A puppet designed to be used and disposed of when broken.” She sighed and held her hand up to her head. “I don’t want this freedom. I’d much rather give it to you. I hate it and my greatest wish is to get what you have. To get my own heart complete with feelings.” She sighed and lowered her head back down. She shook her head at him, too. “No, that’s wrong. I don’t like his memories. They stay with me while my own fade away into the darkness. I don’t know why I can’t forget them instead of my own, but it’s happening. Maybe I do like feelings, but I don’t know. I’ve never had them, myself, to experience them. So, I can’t really say yes or no. I think, though, that I like the idea of feelings.” She glanced at him one more time, and kept her eyes on him. Why was he so based on not meeting her eyes? Could it be that he was shy? Either way, she was going to try to continue to stare at him until he gave in, himself, and met her eyes. “Even so, I’d take those horrible feelings rather than not feeling at all.”
She lowered her head, but kept her gaze on him. She was almost tempted to stand up, grab his head between her thumb and index finger and force him to look at her, just to see if he would do anything about that. But, considering she wouldn’t dare do that, she stayed where she was. She reached up and started twirling her hair. Xion’s eyes darted upwards, and, for a second, she wanted to remove her coat. Destiny Islands was too hot. She wasn’t used to it. She was used to the cold bitterness of the darkness where she usually resided. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have anything underneath. She had a small dress that mirrored the coat on. It was black and came up to just above her knee. It also had a fake zipper going down the middle; it didn’t unzip. The dress also came with many zippers, and even a hood on. The two strings the coat had were the only thing the dress was missing, but she didn’t mind. That just meant she couldn’t tighten the hood of the dress like she could with the coat. Sighing softly, she pushed herself up from the rock and unzipped her coat. She pulled it off with only a slight hesitation before throwing it onto the ground and leaving it there.. She leaned back against the rock. “Yes, and another too, but I’d rather not talk about him. My only part in his destiny is to take it as my own. My purpose for being created is to take what’s his and make it my own. Both him and the other boy.” She frowned slightly. “I’m also not very sure I’d be needed to make history. If someone were to write a book about us, my only part would be the puppet who tried to be more that she was.”
She ran her free hand through her short black locks. Once her whole hair seemed to go back, she shook her head and allowed for it all to rush toward the front of her face. Afterwards, she pushed it back behind her ears. “What’s wrong, Noctis?” She said trying his name out again slowly. She smiled at the way it came out of her lips freely. “You look as if you haven’t been teased in years. Don’t tell me you’ve gone a long time without coming in contact with someone who would kid you?” She blinked at him, trying to figure him out once more, before dropping the rock on the floor. She didn’t care what he said, she wouldn’t throw it at him. He might not have been her closest friend in the world, but she considered him to be one of them, now. A friend. Frankly because she couldn’t consider telling him all the things she had told him without considering him some type of friend. She’d hurt Roxas, both mentally and physically. She refused to do that to anyone else. No matter if they wanted her to or not. She had gotten hurt, too, and now she was even more ‘emotionally’ unstable than she had been when Vexen had created her…Vexen. His very name made her shudder. She didn’t bother to think whether or not he had considered that shudder a nervous, fearful, or cold shudder, but she was sure he had seen it either way.
“I don’t know, but I don’t want to throw it at you. And, since I don’t want to, I’m not going to throw it at you.” She shook her head sharply and crossed her arms. She jumped back when she realized she still had her gloves on. Rolling her eyes at herself, she took them off, exposing her pale hands, and threw them to where her coat was. She considered taking her heels off, as they were a bother to wear, but decided against it. She could run in them better than she could barefoot. Realizing that he wasn’t going to let up, she bent down, swiftly, and picked up the rock, weighing it in her hand. “I do not worry to much.” She stuck her tongue out at him. Xion proceeded to look down and turn her attention down on the rock. When she heard the rustle of dead leaves, her head snapped up. Fortunately for her, she was used to this kind of thing happening. One was bound to get used to it when you had Xigbar around you as much as she had back in the Organization. He was forever teleporting in front of random members to scare them. Eventually, most of them got used to it. Still she flinched slightly, keeping the rock tightly in her grip, and she raised an eyebrow as well. She tilted her head to the side and gave him a curious look. “Well, I’ve never seen anyone travel like that. Can you go at any distance you want to, or can it only be a certain amount?” She asked. She hoped he wouldn’t ask her about how she had gotten here. It would make her have to put her coat back on, or have trouble in the corridors.
She wondered. Had this happened to Roxas? Whenever she was around him, back then. Did he just suddenly forget things as they-unknown to her, at the time, of course-traveled out of him and into herself? She couldn’t be sure, and she wouldn’t ask him. It was bad enough that she recalled these memories she longed to forget, but she didn’t want him to have to remember them. “I mean hope in general.” She said shrugging. “Any kind of hope, or any kind of emotion. Take your pick. I can’t clarify on any of them. But, you’re right. The ability to feel is abused. Abused by those people who have been given the gift to be the one who feels. But, I’m not sure it’s the ability to feel that abuse the heart. It’s not the emotion’s fault what the user does to it.” She glanced up at the sky, letting her entire face be seen. Actually, she wasn’t sure she wanted to forget her memories. Especially since they happened to be leaving her mind all on their own. Maybe, it was just the painful memories she wanted to push away from her. Like, her end. She wasn’t sure why she remembered that as clearly as she did, or when she first attacked Roxas. She also remembered, although she wasn’t entirely sure why she remembered that either, considering it wasn’t technically her that was there at the time, the Skyscraper Battle in The World That Never Was. Between Roxas, her best friend Roxas, and Riku. Riku, whom she wasn’t even sure about. Whenever she thought of him, she got confused. She didn’t know what to think about him, at all. He had convinced her to kill herself, yes, but he had done it to bring back his best friend. If she were put in his position, she was sure she’d end up doing the same thing. Or, she’d like to think she’d be able to do that. In reality, she wasn’t sure, and she was glad she’d never have to make that decision. “You’re not a fool.” She said quietly. “A fool would be…Someone who knew what was happening to him or her, and still chose that path. You say you want to give up your emotions, that they hold you back, but, trust me, you would “suffer” greatly. You still have memories of your emotions, you just can’t…feel anything.”
She raised an eyebrow at him, but made to remark to that. Her world, the one she hated so much, appealed to him? How could that be? She would be willing to try anything, anything, if it could only mean she could get rid of it. If she could have her heart back, or, rather, if she could get a heart of her own in the first place. One where she didn’t have to retreat back into Roxas, and, ultimately, back into Sora. “You’re wrong. My world isn’t really a world. People like me, if you can call us people, are just made. I am like I am because I was created this way. Well, no. I am a failure because I wasn’t supposed to bet his way. And, don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt my feelings when you compare me to a robot. I’m not much better. I’m just…a puppet. A puppet designed to be used and disposed of when broken.” She sighed and held her hand up to her head. “I don’t want this freedom. I’d much rather give it to you. I hate it and my greatest wish is to get what you have. To get my own heart complete with feelings.” She sighed and lowered her head back down. She shook her head at him, too. “No, that’s wrong. I don’t like his memories. They stay with me while my own fade away into the darkness. I don’t know why I can’t forget them instead of my own, but it’s happening. Maybe I do like feelings, but I don’t know. I’ve never had them, myself, to experience them. So, I can’t really say yes or no. I think, though, that I like the idea of feelings.” She glanced at him one more time, and kept her eyes on him. Why was he so based on not meeting her eyes? Could it be that he was shy? Either way, she was going to try to continue to stare at him until he gave in, himself, and met her eyes. “Even so, I’d take those horrible feelings rather than not feeling at all.”
She lowered her head, but kept her gaze on him. She was almost tempted to stand up, grab his head between her thumb and index finger and force him to look at her, just to see if he would do anything about that. But, considering she wouldn’t dare do that, she stayed where she was. She reached up and started twirling her hair. Xion’s eyes darted upwards, and, for a second, she wanted to remove her coat. Destiny Islands was too hot. She wasn’t used to it. She was used to the cold bitterness of the darkness where she usually resided. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have anything underneath. She had a small dress that mirrored the coat on. It was black and came up to just above her knee. It also had a fake zipper going down the middle; it didn’t unzip. The dress also came with many zippers, and even a hood on. The two strings the coat had were the only thing the dress was missing, but she didn’t mind. That just meant she couldn’t tighten the hood of the dress like she could with the coat. Sighing softly, she pushed herself up from the rock and unzipped her coat. She pulled it off with only a slight hesitation before throwing it onto the ground and leaving it there.. She leaned back against the rock. “Yes, and another too, but I’d rather not talk about him. My only part in his destiny is to take it as my own. My purpose for being created is to take what’s his and make it my own. Both him and the other boy.” She frowned slightly. “I’m also not very sure I’d be needed to make history. If someone were to write a book about us, my only part would be the puppet who tried to be more that she was.”
She ran her free hand through her short black locks. Once her whole hair seemed to go back, she shook her head and allowed for it all to rush toward the front of her face. Afterwards, she pushed it back behind her ears. “What’s wrong, Noctis?” She said trying his name out again slowly. She smiled at the way it came out of her lips freely. “You look as if you haven’t been teased in years. Don’t tell me you’ve gone a long time without coming in contact with someone who would kid you?” She blinked at him, trying to figure him out once more, before dropping the rock on the floor. She didn’t care what he said, she wouldn’t throw it at him. He might not have been her closest friend in the world, but she considered him to be one of them, now. A friend. Frankly because she couldn’t consider telling him all the things she had told him without considering him some type of friend. She’d hurt Roxas, both mentally and physically. She refused to do that to anyone else. No matter if they wanted her to or not. She had gotten hurt, too, and now she was even more ‘emotionally’ unstable than she had been when Vexen had created her…Vexen. His very name made her shudder. She didn’t bother to think whether or not he had considered that shudder a nervous, fearful, or cold shudder, but she was sure he had seen it either way.
“I don’t know, but I don’t want to throw it at you. And, since I don’t want to, I’m not going to throw it at you.” She shook her head sharply and crossed her arms. She jumped back when she realized she still had her gloves on. Rolling her eyes at herself, she took them off, exposing her pale hands, and threw them to where her coat was. She considered taking her heels off, as they were a bother to wear, but decided against it. She could run in them better than she could barefoot. Realizing that he wasn’t going to let up, she bent down, swiftly, and picked up the rock, weighing it in her hand. “I do not worry to much.” She stuck her tongue out at him. Xion proceeded to look down and turn her attention down on the rock. When she heard the rustle of dead leaves, her head snapped up. Fortunately for her, she was used to this kind of thing happening. One was bound to get used to it when you had Xigbar around you as much as she had back in the Organization. He was forever teleporting in front of random members to scare them. Eventually, most of them got used to it. Still she flinched slightly, keeping the rock tightly in her grip, and she raised an eyebrow as well. She tilted her head to the side and gave him a curious look. “Well, I’ve never seen anyone travel like that. Can you go at any distance you want to, or can it only be a certain amount?” She asked. She hoped he wouldn’t ask her about how she had gotten here. It would make her have to put her coat back on, or have trouble in the corridors.